Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My Morning With Elmo

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to read my rants and ramblings. I especially want to thank those of you (with the exception of the scam links) who have felt compelled to share your own thoughts with me. I honestly can not begin to express how I feel when I read all of your comments. They mean so much. So again, thank you all.

I started this as an outlet for my anger and frustration over the things that were happening to me during a very tough time in my life. And while the anger will probably never go away, the frustration of feeling so helpless is gone. The only thing that she and I have in common is our children and thank god that there are rules set in place by the courts as to how she and I will raise them. But getting to the point where she doesn't have a say in when I get to see my girls or how I raise them took almost two years and that period in time sucked.....big time.

To all you guys (and ladies) out there who may be going though this hell, I want to say that there is a light at the end of it all and you just have to keep your faith that things will get better.

The biggest complaint I've come across concerning parents and their desire to spend time with their children is that the other parent involved makes it all such a hassle. I've read stories how one parent will bad mouth another or how when exchanging the children, one of the parents will just tear into the other parent. All of this in front of the children. Been there. Here's some advice.

1. Make the exchange location a public area. This doesn't always help because some people will make a scene regardless of where they are but it is something to try.

2. Bring a friend or relative with you. If the ex or soon to be doesn't have a problem bitching you out in public then this probably won't be too effective however it may help especially if you have the child's grandparent or uncle with you. If you bring a friend try bring someone who is the same sex as you. Dads bring a guy friend. The benefit to bringing a friend or relative is that you will have someone who can testify on your behalf if you ever need to go to court.

3. Pick your kids up from school or a friends house. Take the other parent out of the equation altogether. This is what I do 90% of the time and it has worked out well. If I have to return the kids to her house then I just park at the end of the driveway, give my hugs and kisses in the car then send them to the house.

I'm sure there are a few more ideas out there. Share them with me if you have some. I'm just tired of the excuse that some parents use about how the ex makes things so difficult and that's why they don't see their children as often as they would like. It's a cop out and it makes you sound weak. If everything else fails then petition of courts. They are your children and if you truly want to be with them than no power in the universe should stop you. Especially your bitter and pitiful ex.

Like I said, anger and helplessness were the catalyst for this blog but I would like it to grow into something better. I'm going to try to give you all advice, ideas and tools that hopefully will help you get back to where you need to be in your lives. You may be going through divorce or maybe you already are divorced. Whatever your situation, your children need you in their lives. And there is nothing more noble or worthwhile than being a good parent.

Be back soon,