I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to read my rants and ramblings. I especially want to thank those of you (with the exception of the scam links) who have felt compelled to share your own thoughts with me. I honestly can not begin to express how I feel when I read all of your comments. They mean so much. So again, thank you all.
I started this as an outlet for my anger and frustration over the things that were happening to me during a very tough time in my life. And while the anger will probably never go away, the frustration of feeling so helpless is gone. The only thing that she and I have in common is our children and thank god that there are rules set in place by the courts as to how she and I will raise them. But getting to the point where she doesn't have a say in when I get to see my girls or how I raise them took almost two years and that period in time sucked.....big time.
To all you guys (and ladies) out there who may be going though this hell, I want to say that there is a light at the end of it all and you just have to keep your faith that things will get better.
The biggest complaint I've come across concerning parents and their desire to spend time with their children is that the other parent involved makes it all such a hassle. I've read stories how one parent will bad mouth another or how when exchanging the children, one of the parents will just tear into the other parent. All of this in front of the children. Been there. Here's some advice.
1. Make the exchange location a public area. This doesn't always help because some people will make a scene regardless of where they are but it is something to try.
2. Bring a friend or relative with you. If the ex or soon to be doesn't have a problem bitching you out in public then this probably won't be too effective however it may help especially if you have the child's grandparent or uncle with you. If you bring a friend try bring someone who is the same sex as you. Dads bring a guy friend. The benefit to bringing a friend or relative is that you will have someone who can testify on your behalf if you ever need to go to court.
3. Pick your kids up from school or a friends house. Take the other parent out of the equation altogether. This is what I do 90% of the time and it has worked out well. If I have to return the kids to her house then I just park at the end of the driveway, give my hugs and kisses in the car then send them to the house.
I'm sure there are a few more ideas out there. Share them with me if you have some. I'm just tired of the excuse that some parents use about how the ex makes things so difficult and that's why they don't see their children as often as they would like. It's a cop out and it makes you sound weak. If everything else fails then petition of courts. They are your children and if you truly want to be with them than no power in the universe should stop you. Especially your bitter and pitiful ex.
Like I said, anger and helplessness were the catalyst for this blog but I would like it to grow into something better. I'm going to try to give you all advice, ideas and tools that hopefully will help you get back to where you need to be in your lives. You may be going through divorce or maybe you already are divorced. Whatever your situation, your children need you in their lives. And there is nothing more noble or worthwhile than being a good parent.
Be back soon,
W
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Nothing Witty
Ok, by a show of hands I would like to know how many of you divorced daddy's out there are actively involved in your childrens lives.
Really??? 'Cause studies suggest that 8 out of 10 of you with your hands raised are lying your f@%king asses off. So if we have around 1 million divorces a year that involve children (this number is a bit dated but let's imagine this number hasn't increased too much), 800,000 of you 'men' spend less than 10 hours a week with your children. Is it really any wonder why teen suicides, pregnancies, dropouts, and runaways are so high and increasing every single minute.
But what do you guys care right? I mean, your ex is a bitch and she makes seeing your kids such a hassle. Besides you have a new life now with new problems and responsibilities. Maybe you have a new girlfriend and your too busy ignoring her kids to be thinking about spending an afternoon with your own children.
Seriously if I could take you all down to the river and chain anchors around your necks....
What you men fail to understand, what most men actually have problems with (in my opinion of course) is that you know how easy it is to prevent bad things from happening but you take little interest in doing the things you should to make sure that things don't get too out of control. When was the last time any of you had a physical checkup?? Better to have a finger up the butt now than an entire Hubble telescope and 5 NASA engineers probe your ass later.
So how about this. You are at work one day and you see a bunch of guys hanging out at the coffee machine laughing and joking. No one will tell you what's so funny. You come to find out later that somebody came across a video of your daughter on the internet doing things....well you get the idea. That's right daddy, your little Annie is doing what you thought only others guys daughters sometimes wind up doing. Of course you never thought of those other girls as somebody's daughter did you?
Or......
That boy of yours, the one that made you feel so proud of yourself has, at the age of 17, just dropped out of school. But he had to cause guess what, he's about to become a daddy too. Maybe he'll be a better father than you were. Don't count on it though because really, he didn't have much of a role model did he? Don't expect much of a Fathers Day gift this year. Pizza delivery guys don't make all that much.
Or.......
The ex has a new boyfriend. Great news right? Maybe she'll be less of a bitch or at least not have as much energy to bitch at you now that she has someone else to bitch at. But this new boyfriend has a thing for touching young children......that's right, let that sink in a bit. IT SUCKS BUT IT FUCKING HAPPENS AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO GO TO FOR HELP!!!!! NO ONE!!!!! Think about it.
Or.....
You die alone because no one gives a shit about your sorry, pathetic ass.
And this happens all the time. But it doesn't have to. Not to you.
Fraternal instinct is no better nor worse than maternal instinct. To say that women are better nurturers or caregivers is crap and a cop out. Yes, I was lucky in that I was able to form a very deep and personal bond with my girls that most men and women are not afforded the time to achieve. I'm no better a parent because of it but I am tied to my children forever because of it. Maybe you missed the first steps, or the first words or whatever but there are so many things, so many wonderful things to come in their lives. Don't miss out on them because someday you may regret it.
And regrets suck. Trust me.
More to come.
W
Really??? 'Cause studies suggest that 8 out of 10 of you with your hands raised are lying your f@%king asses off. So if we have around 1 million divorces a year that involve children (this number is a bit dated but let's imagine this number hasn't increased too much), 800,000 of you 'men' spend less than 10 hours a week with your children. Is it really any wonder why teen suicides, pregnancies, dropouts, and runaways are so high and increasing every single minute.
But what do you guys care right? I mean, your ex is a bitch and she makes seeing your kids such a hassle. Besides you have a new life now with new problems and responsibilities. Maybe you have a new girlfriend and your too busy ignoring her kids to be thinking about spending an afternoon with your own children.
Seriously if I could take you all down to the river and chain anchors around your necks....
What you men fail to understand, what most men actually have problems with (in my opinion of course) is that you know how easy it is to prevent bad things from happening but you take little interest in doing the things you should to make sure that things don't get too out of control. When was the last time any of you had a physical checkup?? Better to have a finger up the butt now than an entire Hubble telescope and 5 NASA engineers probe your ass later.
So how about this. You are at work one day and you see a bunch of guys hanging out at the coffee machine laughing and joking. No one will tell you what's so funny. You come to find out later that somebody came across a video of your daughter on the internet doing things....well you get the idea. That's right daddy, your little Annie is doing what you thought only others guys daughters sometimes wind up doing. Of course you never thought of those other girls as somebody's daughter did you?
Or......
That boy of yours, the one that made you feel so proud of yourself has, at the age of 17, just dropped out of school. But he had to cause guess what, he's about to become a daddy too. Maybe he'll be a better father than you were. Don't count on it though because really, he didn't have much of a role model did he? Don't expect much of a Fathers Day gift this year. Pizza delivery guys don't make all that much.
Or.......
The ex has a new boyfriend. Great news right? Maybe she'll be less of a bitch or at least not have as much energy to bitch at you now that she has someone else to bitch at. But this new boyfriend has a thing for touching young children......that's right, let that sink in a bit. IT SUCKS BUT IT FUCKING HAPPENS AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO GO TO FOR HELP!!!!! NO ONE!!!!! Think about it.
Or.....
You die alone because no one gives a shit about your sorry, pathetic ass.
And this happens all the time. But it doesn't have to. Not to you.
Fraternal instinct is no better nor worse than maternal instinct. To say that women are better nurturers or caregivers is crap and a cop out. Yes, I was lucky in that I was able to form a very deep and personal bond with my girls that most men and women are not afforded the time to achieve. I'm no better a parent because of it but I am tied to my children forever because of it. Maybe you missed the first steps, or the first words or whatever but there are so many things, so many wonderful things to come in their lives. Don't miss out on them because someday you may regret it.
And regrets suck. Trust me.
More to come.
W
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
