Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Going to the Philippines


First, I want to thank you for your emails. I can honestly say that they were 95% of the reason as to why I decided to continue to not only blog but to do so in an open forum available to anyone who stumbles upon it.

Divorce is hard no matter which side of it your on. Those of us who wake up to find that the one we married no longer wants us tend to blame ourselves asking what we could have done to prevent it. Our egos get cut to pieces and for a long time we are unable to trust anyone or anything. Happiness scares us as we believe that it can't last. And it takes time before we can be ok with the worlds inherent uncertainty.....if we are able to ever be truly ok again.

If you're the one who is leaving the marriage you have your own issues. Anger tends to be a big one. People tend to make their biggest life changes during times of adversity and will often believe that they are 'victims' of the situation. As such, we (as I have played this role before) feel that we did what we were forced to do. Regardless of whether the decision to divorce your spouse was in fact the best thing, when you feel that it was the only way to go you can often become angry and feel as if control of your life has been taken away.

The trick to life as I see it is very simple. Sometimes it's not so much what we do as it is how we do it. Put the hurt behind you as quickly as you can and try to remember that regardless of which side you're on, there is someone on the other side who you once cared about and who is hurting more then he or she can say. If you can take the time and effort to understand that pain and go forward with sympathy I promise that you feel much better about it all and about yourself.

Daniel, I know that the decision has been made in regards to you and your wife's future together. And while nothing is ever done that can't be undone, I truly wish you both the best and that you two can find peace with yourselves and each other soon.

Your friend,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very nicely said.. However, i do not believe that anyone should feel they are forced to make a decision. Their is always a choice of A or B. and once all avenues of repair are equally and properly executed and you have taken responsiblity for your own actions then you are left with and A or B decision. Usually not liking either but knowing for the well being of the future of both parties one is nec. COMMUNICATION and RESPECT for your partner is vital and once that is tarnished and not knowledged between the TWO, the effort for equal repair cannot happen. It's a two way street and when one chooses to make a turn, discuss with your partner your direction. In doing so you have knowledged the respect for your partner and the relationship and is far more rewarding then taking advantage of what you may believe to be ones place in it. Divorce should not EVER be a solution but an understanding between the two that they have equally set forth all efforts for repair. Communication of ones feelings should never be dismissed or patronized. Take responsiblity for yourself. To love unconditionally seems to be at such a far reach these days, but in reality its the make-up of ones belief.
Believe in your love..........

It was very enjoyable to read. Ty!