Question number 1 - Why does my wife want a divorce?
Answer - No frikkin' idea. Really. When we were talking she threw out all these reasons which I don't think was convincing even to her. On a whim I researched the idea of adultery. Lots of sites will give lots of signs to look for if you suspect that you're spouse is cheating. Due to some legal stuff I can't tell you how many of those signs applied to my situation. She's gone, it doesn't matter and considering the fact that she would do this at all changes my whole way of thinking about her and I. I knew her to be selfish and unfeeling, I just never knew how deep those traits really were.
Adultery does bring up a question I've had and discussed with others, tell me what you think. I threw out a couple statistics in my last post about the percentages of divorces in 1950 and 2006 and here is my 'work in progress' theory.
It's been said that adultery is not so much a cause of divorce as it is a symptom of a marriage in turmoil. OK, I can get on board with that. Back in the 50's when the workforce was predominately male, women who were for the most part if married homemakers were limited in the amount of interaction they had with males. Does that makes sense? Stay at home moms, although I don't think that term had come into use yet hung out with other moms. Not many men running around. In 2006 the workforce becomes almost a 50-50 split between males and females. So maybe it's about opportunity. Stick with me...we're almost home.
I am going by research and opinion here. There are numbers to support this but the studies are not what I believe to be at all conclusive. When it comes to affairs women tend to fall in love with the other man, and maybe men also fall in love with the other woman. The questions is, is there a difference when it comes to keeping the affair out of the marriage. If we look at the idea that adultery is a symptom and not a cause of divorce and based on the increase of actual divorces, are men able to have an affair and keep it out of the marriage better then women.
Who knows...maybe I am an ass and my wife is just sick of me :P
Question number 2 - Where do things stand now?
Answer - It's complicated. In Maryland where I live you can get a divorce on 4 or 5 grounds, adultery, abuse, abandonment, and a couple other 'A' words. None of these reasons apply to our situation. You can get a divorce if there is voluntary separation for one year or involuntary separation for two years. And here is where things get interesting I AM NOT FOR ANY REASON LEAVING MY HOUSE. You can't begin to guess how much this pisses off my wife. And it would take a personal call from God herself before I ever leave my children and even then I would have my lawyer talk to God's lawyer first. Now, I'm a stay at home father, guess how much money I've made in the last 5 years. The answer is zero. I am pretty well broke and I was kidding about my lawyer calling God's lawyer, I can't afford a lawyer. But since my wife was able to hire a lawyer and move all the money around BEFORE she told me she wanted a divorce she seems to think she holds all the cards. Their plan, hers and her lawyer's is to wait me out until all my funds are gone then come to me with a settlement agreement that they assume I'll have to sign. My wife is no longer paying for the credit cards that were in my name but used on household expenses. Soon I will be very broke.
One thing that her lawyer and my wife didn't consider was the love between a stay at home parent and their children. My wife never saw the value of being a stay at home parent even though she said that this was what she wanted. Her lawyer probably assumes that I'm like a after work and weekends parent and that eventually I'll bend to her will. The bond between me and my children is greater then any kind of evil BS those two can throw at me. I will always be here, with them. Period.
2 comments:
Why doesn't your wife leave the house? If she is the one who wants a divorce so badly she should be the one packing. She's not making any sense but good luck to you and keep up the fight. My prayrs are with you.
It really sucks that they're waiting to 'starve you out'. Surely if you were a stay at home mom, and she was your husband...that kind of thing would not be allowed to happen. Surely - while still married - the husband (or earner) would be required to support the family if the other parent was unable (obviously because they're looking after the children).
I don't know anything about law, and even less about US law...but surely they can't do that. It was her decision to divorce, and if she has no legal grounds it's her that should leave, and continue to financially support the children.
The fact she stopped the flow of money into the house, and therefore to her children - via you - can't be right. Is it almost a form of abuse? Neglect? As I understand it (in general) a husband is expected to support his family, including his wife...so it should surely work the other way around too if the man is the primary care giver rather than the woman :/
I hope you're able to get people to represent you over there in the way you can here if you don't have the funds to pay. It's called Legal Aid here, and is free if you're unemployed.
She sounds like a real piece of work.
I may be out of line with the above or anything else I may say...but you're a good man. For somebody to abuse your trust and belief in them and what you'd both agreed was for the best (for your children), to brush aside your time and effort over the past few years looking after your children and the home, and basically treat you as if you're now nothing more than a nuisance is downright fracking despicable. What her lawyer is having her do sounds totally dodgy too. It just isn't right :(
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