Thursday, May 22, 2008

Burn Down the Mission

Last night was one of those milestone nights.

I started going to a divorce group at my church when I first learned that someday I would find myself ......divorced. The class pointed out a few things that I had never considered when I thought about what my tomorrows would bring. For the most part I was a wreck and while I tried to gain all the insight I could, I found that all I could think about was where my life was at that moment and it wasn't good. So when my friend Jim told me that the class had started back up again I figured that I should give it another shot.

As I pulled into the church parking lot and got out of my car I saw Annie. She is a woman who I had met during the last set of classes. She has been coming to the classes to support a friend of hers. And when she saw me she practically screamed. She hurried over to me and gave me a big hug and then said, "what happened to you?" and I was all "?????." She then said,

"You look great! "

She asked if something had changed, if my situation had improved and I said yes and no. No, life at home is still a challenge but I feel better about everything. I'm actually looking forward to my life now.

I keep writing about how I have changed, about how I'm becoming more outgoing. And it's true. I don't know why, maybe it's the knowledge that I have to keep a strong network of friends for me and my children. But I'm the assertive one now. I want friends to go out and talk with. I want to be a source of strength for others which is something I find I can do very well now. This divorce isn't an end, it's a beginning. A beginning to a much better life.

I cannot tell you how fantastic I feel. A weird thing for me to say, even in the best of times.

The class itself was interesting. There were a few people who I met from the last session and a bunch of new people. I would like to at this point to remind everyone that it's been a while since I've um....ah, well it's been a while. There were two new women who I found interesting. And yes I know, divorce class in church isn't the place to be picking up women. And I really have no intention of actually doing any picking. It's just refreshing to know that when I do have intention, the crops are looking real ripe.

The topic of discussion this week was depression. Been there, done that. The mantra was you can't heal until you forgive. Ah well, I guess I will never truly heal then 'cause I sure as hell won't forgive. And I made that known. BIG MISTAKE. I got the whole 'The bible says this and the bible says that' so I amended my position and said "ok, fine, I'll forgive my wife for what she's done to me but there will never be any forgiveness for what she's doing to my children." And the room went silent. Then the woman leading the class picked up her bible and said "Be assured that god has a special plans for people who harm our children."

And I said "Well I hope it's the whole plague of locusts thing. That would be nice" And the whole room busted out laughing except for the really cute woman on my right.

Ah well, can't win 'em all. But I'll be winning enough........ someday.

2 comments:

Tris said...

Character!!! I knew there was a reason u and i hit it off as friends from the get go William.It's Character!U have it my friend.Your character wheter u know it or not will get to a point one day where u will forgive your wife and this whole mess,and u will be a stronger, better person for it.And the best thing about people with character is that is what your kids and people will u rember for.

Your buddy Tris

MDStayathomefather said...

Adversity builds character Tris.

When we go through a life crisis it tends to change us in either a positive or negative manner. I won't let her or any one else for that matter, dictate the kind of person I will be. It would be way too easy for me to be brought down by all of this but fighting that urge has been a good step towards the type of person/father I want to be.

Thanks for your support Trissy. I always feel like you have my back.