I Have Sand in My Undies

Coming in at number 1 on this weeks 'thank god I have real friends' list was this email invite.

Dear William Hoyt,

You're Personally Invited...

You're personally invited to join (name withheld) for a luxurious spa retreat. Arbonne's SeaSource Detox Spa™ offers soothing marine botanicals to encourage relaxation and restoration. Deeply cleanse your body of the internal and external toxins that come to us through the air we breathe, the water we drink, the objects we touch and the food we eat. Set aside some time to pamper yourself from head to toe with an intensely purifying and rejuvenating spa journey.

Ok, Before you start in with the 'real men don't do Detox Spas' speech let me explain. This is a party given by one of the nursery school mothers as a relax and unwind get together. It's not about what the event is but rather I'm one of the girls.

But I'm accepted as a male, as a stay at home father, and as a friend. They all know what's going on in my life and I have never once felt that they questioned my dedication as a father or a husband. And when your wife is out for blood as much as mine is it would be an easy assumption for any of these women to make that I must have it coming to me, that I did something wrong. Be damned assured that if any of them thought that, this invite would never have come. Moms, real moms don't play.

This invite is such a big deal to me, I can't even begin to explain.

My last post felt strange. Was this truly how I feel? This whole new acceptance of what was really in my heart felt untested. And then she left the house.

It almost feels like she's trying to get to me, and I'm sure she is. When I came home at 4pm yesterday afternoon I knew to expect the usual from her. Once I got home I knew she was going to go out. And she did. She got on the phone and said "yeah, he's home now" then some whispering. And she was out the door. And I'll be the first to admit that in the past it did get to me. Not this time. I was glad she was gone. Hell, I almost said 'have a good time' as she left. It felt good.

Don't get me wrong, there is a very real sadness for me. We had a life together that is coming to an end. And moving forward I know things will be tough at times. But now I feel like I can breathe. The one weakness I had isn't there anymore. It feels good.