Monday, May 5, 2008

You Got a New Fool? Ha, I like it Like That.

Sunday morning was a perfect, beautiful, so what the hell happened?

I woke up at around 8am which truly sucked because it's an obscenely rare day when I have no kids nor wife to wake me up. As I hadn't gotten to sleep till 3am it would have been nice to grind out a few more Zzzz's. However I was up and there was no sense in fighting it. So I went to church.

Ok, get up off the floor. I've been going to this singles bible study group at church. Just because I go to church doesn't mean I drink the kool-aid. I like church and I really like the people as long as they aren't all preachy.

While it is a singles group I have made it known that I'm not really a single. I know a couple of them outside of this group and they are aware of my situation.And it's not really a 'bible study' group as much as we use writings from the bible as a backboard for our weekly topics. We've been talking about boundaries and how we can use or own experiences to cultivate healthier relationships. Whenever someone has anything to say, profound or otherwise there's a mad dash to the The Bible to make sure that God agrees. Hence the "bible study'

Besides, there is a little cafe inside the church that has some mad coffee skills.

After church I headed home to relax a bit, check in on my online crew and stare outside at the beautiful spring day. For a fleeting moment or two I thought about grabbing my camera and going on a sightseeing safari but I wound playing the vampire that day. And what better torture then going to the gym.

I got a membership to Golds Gym a couple months ago. I mean the idea of ever getting naked in front of a woman other then my current wife scared the bejeezus out of me. However, as I plan on having sex at least one more time before I die I may have to get naked at some point. If I have to get naked then I want to look like I've at least heard about exercise. And while I've never been overweight (I don't think I can become overweight) I wouldn't hurt to lift something heavier than my coffee cup.

Ok, so I get to the gym and I go to the back room (I don't want to be looked at and there are often too many things for me to look at so I try to workout in private)and I get on my old friend the stationary bike. I usually try to do 10 miles before I start screaming like a little Jamaican girl. I once did 15 miles when Stacey was with me and our conversation was enjoyable. But today I was loaded for bear. I was going for 20 miles. Hell, I had all day if needed. I also figured that if I could stay distracted long enough I might get it done so I had a couple episodes of Firefly loaded on the iPod.

Now, I have heard of and even experienced what people refer to as 'the wall'. It's a point in your exercise where you no longer feel the burn, the pain. You get to that point and you're golden. I am sad to report that I never got to that point. Yes I made it to 20 miles but I paid for every revolution after the first 10, crying like a little Jamaican girl the entire way. But the fun was just beginning.

There are three other pieces of equipment that I needed to get through before I could call the day a win. All three were recommend by the fitness trainer after she examined my then and sadly current physical condition.

The first is just plain sick. You sit down and tuck your legs under this bar. You the lift or extend your legs raising the weights. I did the number of repetitions with the amount of weight that had been suggested. Both of these numbers will go with me to my grave. Nothing to see here....just move along.

The second exercise is where you lay down underneath a bar that lies across your midsection. You then get the pleasure of trying to sit upright as many times as you can before your spine breaks.

Last and least, my all time hated piece of fiendish metal hell. I have no idea what real men call this thing but you sit down with your arms raised as if you're a human field goal. You then attempt to bring your forearms together while all minions of Hades fight against you. I couldn't complete the last set of reps. Final score - Minions 1, William 0.

As I left the gym all sweaty and stinky I actually felt pretty good. What doesn't kill ya' makes you stronger right? Well as I was about to learn, sometimes what doesn't kill you right away is just waiting for you to sit still for a couple hours.

And it was only 2pm.

Crap, ok I'll finish up with Sundays exploits  later. Sorry if these are a lot to read. I honestly didn't think I had this much to say.

Lay down, close your eyes, dream your dreams. Tomorrow will be a day of goodness.

W

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