Don't You Just Wish.........

Sometimes I wish my life were a cartoon, then I could give my wife an anvil and push her off a cliff.

See, I really wanted to write about something cheerful like drug addictions but my wife had to act like a ......and now I'm pissed. She says something evil in front of the girls about me not cleaning the bathtub after their last bath and then she tells Nikki that she's not use to having any rules, as if I don't discipline my children. Truth is they don't listen to her but oddly enough they will listen to me. 

So I tell her that she will stop making condescending comments about me or the way I raise them in front of them, and she gives me that stupid looking 'what are you going to do about it' look of hers and I start looking around for an anvil.

"Yes Judge, my wife has shown through her actions that she is a positive influence on our children. I'm sure she would never do anything to turn them against me. And you know what, if she's too busy to raise them maybe we could wait till Charles Manson gets paroled"

This is insane. She cares nothing about what she's doing to them. All her hate has made her blind to the harm she is causing. And hell, the only person she has to hate is herself.

But that's ok, really. Those of you who are so behind her, comforting her when she plays the victim, telling her that it's ok to do these things. All the while two innocent little girls get to pay for it. Real nice. It would take three words from one person (and I know you are reading this) and she would stop. But whatever right? Who cares about the girls. Well sleep tight tonight and when you go to church this Sunday acting all holy and upstanding...well two words come to mind. God and bitchslap.

So I say 'Go ahead and smile but when you come home tomorrow night (she has one of her 'meetings') .... you know, let's not get the lawyer too excited today. Lets just say that this house is full of items, both hers and mine. Who knows what will be where when she gets home.

And she knows it. She can't look me in the eye because she knows what I am willing to do to keep her poison out of my children. And she knows damn well that I know what to do to make her life uncomfortable. I guess she just needs to be reminded. But whatever...

You know, I feel like I may do some yard work tomorrow. There's this annoying Japanese Maple tree that is just bugging me. Maybe I'll do some pruning. Ya but see, then if I start there I don't know where I would stop. I mean I feel bad that I stopped mowing the lawn and now she has to hire a service to do it. I should do SOME yardwork. But I am expecting to have a very busy day tomorrow I mean it is Wednesday and I hate Wednesdays. 

Wednesdays make me want to turn on all the lights, run the washer and dyer non stop, turn the oven on to broil just 'cause. Open all the windows and depending on the weather keep the furnace or the air conditioner on full blast all day. I mean I feel bad because our utility bill is already pretty high...oh wait, my bad I said 'our' I meant the utility bill that is in her name only. 

Eh, who knows. I guess I'll see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow.

So here's the deal wifey, you stay away from my children and I'll stay away from your wallet. I mean really, we all know which is more important to you don't we.