Playtime

It's just 10am and I'm already an idiot.

After my usual Saturday am session with Eric I decided to go to Barnes & Noble for a cup of coffee, people watch, and get some writing done. I figured that I should probably use the bathroom as the coffee I had earlier was going to want to exit my body at some point. It would most certainly want to do this during some self important mid sentence ramble and cause the train to derail before I could pull into the life altering break through station. I don't know exactly how I ended up in the woman's room but I did appreciate the fact that the two women washing their hands and a healthy sense of humor.

I've been thinking a lot about the woman in my divorce care class. The same woman I bumped into at this very store last weekend. Her depression, her despair seems to be so great that she has given up the hope of a happy existence after divorce. I feel terrible for her.

It is near impossible for a healthy person not to feel that they were in some way responsible for their mates unhappiness and eventual departure from the relationship. Just as it difficult for the person initiating the separation to accept that the road to their happiness lies within themselves, we struggle to grasp this concept as well. And as the ones left behind it is extremely important to acknowledge this fact before we can expect to heal.

"Well, what's wrong with me?" Even if we haven't asked this question of our friends we most assuredly have thought it at some point. And you know, it's totally natural to feel that we did contribute to the other persons dissatisfaction with their lives. But within each of us lies the power to change. Some work towards this change in healthy, productive ways while others continue down their paths of self destruction.

My wife has and will blame everyone but herself for the sad events of her life. As far as I know from family and friends, she has to yet be able to truly connect to anyone in a romantic relationship. Maybe it's because she fears giving of herself and being vulnerable. Or maybe she has yet to come to terms with what she is really looking for in a relationship. Maybe the divorce of her own parents have left a few scars. Either way she continues to repeat her destructive actions. And in the end it is never her fault, it's always the other person. Well, I guess it helps her sleep at night.

And as I talk to my friend and listen to how hard she is taking all of this, part of me just wants to shake her until she sees the truth. But the fact is that no matter how much we want and try to help a person work through all of this, only they can take that first step.

And if any of this has helped any of you, please send a check to -

William Hoyt
910 Fortune Pl.
Edgewater, MD 21037

I also accept baked goods and pictures of your pets as payment for services rendered.

Caio