Kid Charlemagne

The moms and I don't really talk a lot about the divorce.

Stephanie and I talk about it a little more. You can just tell by the way she looks at me when we do talk about it that she is really concerned about the girls. She's known them both for 2 years and I know she cares a great deal about them.

I talk to Stacey l but she's pretty much gone for the rest of the school year. Jen and I communicate though the blog. And it's so funny if the topic is brought up amongst the group, Jen just smiles and shakes her head. She knows too much :P And Jen cares about the girls. You can just tell by the way she talks and listens to all the kids that she really cares.

But like I said, we don't really talk about it too much. Today we did.

Stephanie asked if the kids were aware of it and I replied no. I don't think they are honestly. My wife comes home between 6 and 7pm and recently she's been coming home much later. On the weekends she takes them out of the house and does whatever. So we really don't have a bunch of time together. I've been watching the kids very closely, looking for the signs that they're stressed and I haven't seen anything yet. If I did think they were being affected then I would have to make some other moves.

Then one of the moms asked a question that no one has really ever asked out loud.

She asked, "Would you accept her back if she wanted it?"

Yes, I would in a heartbeat.

But I wouldn't do it for anyone else but our children.

Our marriage is dead. She's done so many things that I didn't think she would ever do, things that she herself said she wasn't capable of. She's tainted, polluted now. I don't think I could ever get past it.

But I would give up on everything that I could ever have. Give up any chance of anything normal and good in my life if it meant that I could get the children out of this house without damaging them with a divorce.

I would sacrifice everything, do anything.

Not that it's going to happen. Not everyone feels the way I do.

The nice thing was that by looking at the women there, I felt like they knew exactly how I felt and they would do the same. I just pray to god that they never get asked that question.