If You Can't Do Something Smart, Do Something Right

In the News -

Woman leaves husband of ten years and two small children because she says "I woke up this morning and found another gray hair" Her husband was quoted through fits of laughter, "I just feel bad for the next guy she's with. One day he may sneeze too loudly and she'll be gone."

And it's not just the women. Guys you're doing it to. One day you're coming back from lunch and some hot little 24 year old looks at you just a couple seconds too long and you think 'Man, I must be looking good today' Meanwhile the hottie is staring at the soup stain on your tie debating whether it looks more the couch she just bought or her Aunt Judith. But now all of a sudden your God's gift to the breasted of our species and your poor, faithful wife is sitting home oblivious. 

But isn't it all bullshit though, I mean really. All this mess caused by some insignificant speck of nothing. We burn down everything we've built because we wake up one day and we're 45 or we think we want and deserve someone a little younger, a little tighter, a little different.

So here's something funny. This woman turns 45 and she decides that she no longer wants the life she had been building with her husband and children. She wants to be young again. So within a month or so she loses all the weight she had been carrying since the birth of her first child 5 years ago. I might add that her husband never said anything negative about the weight and would always support her attempts at dieting. It turns out that if you don't eat those extra pieces of pizza and if you drink 36 ounces of coffee each morning you too can turn into a walking skeleton. Oh but you're looking good now right? So you buy new clothes. And wow, you look good in a thong even though for years you've made jokes about other women who wear them. Any man who isn't trying to get you out of that thing will tell you that it takes a certain kind of ass to be able to make a thong work. But all the girls you work with wear them and hey, you're one of the girls now. And isn't it odd how just a few months ago you would go home and tell your husband all these stories about what complete losers your 'work friends' were? Lots of stories, stories to this day he remembers. But hey, that doesn't matter 'cause you're one of them now. Now you have a story. Lucky you, you're one of the girls.

So you come home all proud of yourself thinking you're doing something righteous. You walk in the door and your children look at you like you just stepped off a spaceship 'cause let's face it, your new lifestyle doesn't afford you to spend more then an hour a night and a few hours on the weekend with them. And because you've cut off all communication with their daddy you have no idea whatsoever is going on in their lives. But do you really care that your little girl was found having a conversation with her friend as he was in the bathroom peeing? Or that your youngest has gotten quite good at dog riding? And hey, daddy will probably blog about it tomorrow. You can read about it then. It must be comforting in knowing that at least they have your sister in law as a good, motherly role model.

All of you stand in front of your mirrors thinking you look so good while soul rots away. Congratulations. 

And to all you guys and girls who are getting dumped on, and I say this as one of you, GET OFF YOUR FRIKKIN' ASSES AND GET BACK IN THE GAME. Yes you've been crushed, and yes the dreams you had are falling apart, and yes you have the kids to worry about or whatever, but only you can make everything ok again. According to the numbers, the chances of your spouse changing his or her mind are almost nil. I spent a lot of energy thinking I could change my wife's mind but I can't, you can't, It isn't about us. We need to worry about the things we can change. You can sit there and play the victim or you can take that power out of their hands. Get out there, go to the gym, buy nice new clothes, do the things that you never dared yourselves to do. Fall in love with yourselves again. Do all of this and you will be happy. And I swear you will find someone who honestly loves you and someone who you can feel safe with and love again. You have to believe.

Goodnight and good luck

Edit - I had to delete some stuff that I came to decide was a little too harsh. I apologize to anyone who may have read it.